He is conducting a destabilization campaign against me, putting chemicals in my food that make me behave erratically. Ever since Pope Urban VIII failed to shut down Galileo and the fake science of Copernicus, Judeo-Christian civilization has been in steady decline. Same first names, last names of five letters. If one week you notice that my column is missing from this paper, you will know that I’ve been captured. I will need all 50 million of you to park bumper to bumper on the nearest freeway and honk your horns continuously.

Source: Washington Post March 07, 2017 18:56 UTC