And it’s the story of my amazing, awesome, heroic life, which is endorsed by the Almighty, who made me on the Eighth Day, which I guess was a Monday. I might have had to make a living splitting rails and fighting bears, but my family soon moved to Dunedin. Then I got into an elitist college called Yale because, in addition to being awesome at baseball, I am very smart. I showed up on my first day in shorts and flip-flops, while everybody else wore tuxedos and rode in limousines. Anyway, I ran for Congress, which I totally had not been planning to do ever since I was at Yale.

Source: Washington Post March 14, 2023 01:07 UTC