This is Toronto, friends, the place that exists only to answer the question, “Could God create a place so wretched that even He gets bored of tormenting it?” (The answer is no.) A Toronto sports team has finally won something. Surely, a scant few of you are saying, we deserve more time to feel our triumph. We cannot let our hearts swell with pride, friends, for heart swelling is the first sign that we have a likely untreatable bacterial infection. Now, I can almost make out, between the wailing moans and hushed prayers for the continued health of Kyle Lowry’s knees, some notes of complaint.

Source: National Post May 19, 2016 14:00 UTC