Many of us have been told, “don’t speak ill of the dead.” But what happens when someone who caused trauma dies? In 2023, a viral obituary detailed the lifetime of extreme abuse that Gayle Harvey Heckman claimed to experience at her mother’s hands. Any mention that the legacy left behind was one of intense trauma for survivors is summarily dismissed, as was the case for Heckman. I myself am no stranger to trying — and failing — to publish an honest obituary. Because of this, an honest obituary may be a survivor’s only path toward closure.
